By Nice Speech Lady / July 2, 2019
It sneaks up fast. Hands are in so many pies it feels like octopus-land; and all of a sudden, it is clear: life at work is “out of whack.” Specific to the reason at your workplace, boundaries need to be identified and enforced. For sustainability. For health. For sanity.
The purpose of this blog is to explore and encourage clinicians who desire to establish, communicate and maintain boundaries in the workplace. Perhaps you were never modeled how to do so growing up, so this is a challenge for you. Perhaps in the setting you are in, attempts in the past have not been desirable. There may be patterns of boundary-crossing at your place of employment and firm communication of placement of boundaries’ existence is indicated at this time. For whatever reason, we are glad you are here. It should be noted that the author of this piece admits that this is an area that she struggles with — and this blog is as much a piece of advice for herself as other boundary-setting strugglers out there. Please take heart that this is a common thread among clinicians; developing and gaining mastery over this skill is part of growing, not only as clinicians, but as humans.
Establishing Boundaries
First off, it is important to determine when we need to identify when a boundary needs to be established, created, or laid-out. It may be that others are crossing-over lines and taking liberties without realizing they are impacting you and others in ways that are inappropriate. This is important to note because not all people who cross-over what would be considered appropriate and universal boundaries do so intentionally. Different backgrounds in family culture, societal mores, etc. all play a part in expectation and experiences. Whether someone has crossed a universal boundary intentionally or unintentionally, it is important to recognize when balance, control and sustainability will only occur with new action in a situation. When that “sixth sense” about us tells us that something “just isn’t right.” When our intuitiveness lets us know that something needs to be done. Then, it is time.
Taking a step back and viewing the situation mindfully and without judgment is a helpful first step. Initially, it is important to identify what type of boundary is being crossed, and how it impacts us.
Boundary types involve:
- Physical boundaries — physical boundaries refer to touch and personal space. When someone else has touched a person physically in a manner that is considered universally inappropriate based on the relationship, setting and situation, a boundary has been crossed, and boundaries need to be established and communicated.
- Emotional boundaries —emotional boundaries refer to limits regarding a person’s feelings. This involves when not to share information, or when it is appropriate to share information. Invalidation, undermining, or devaluing another is a violation of emotional boundaries.
- Relationship boundaries — relationship boundaries refer to parameters that are appropriate in relation to the nature of a relationship. Sharing of personal information in certain contexts may be a violation of a relationship boundary, for example, while pressuring someone to move forward into a friendship when it is unwelcome would also be considered crossing over relationship boundaries.
- Material/resource boundaries — material/resource boundaries refer to guidelines that revolve around money and possessions. There are expectations and limits that are involved around material possessions that would need to be communicated, for example, if a personal loan were taken out, vs. a person taking advantage of the generosity of another by not returning an item that was borrowed — would be considered a boundary violation that would need to be addressed.
- Intellectual boundaries — intellectual boundaries refer to the expectation of the level of respect that is anticipated for others in terms of ideas, thoughts and beliefs. When a person’s thoughts or ideas are not debated in a healthy format, but are belittled and there is a lack of respect and disparaging remarks are made, for example, intellectual boundaries are violated and would need to be addressed.
- Sexual boundaries — sexual boundaries refer to the expectation of communicated limitations, as well as wishes of one another of a sexual nature. When there is unwanted sexual touch, pressure to engage sexually, or when unwanted sexual comments occur, sexual boundaries are being violated.
- Time boundaries — boundaries involving time involve finding balance for all aspects of life, including work, personal relationships and leisure. Every person must set aside time for each of these areas, and if another person demands more than an expected amount of time so any of these aspects of life are out of balance, time boundaries are being violated.
Once the boundary that needs to be addressed has been identified, it is important to pinpoint exactly what the issue involves, non-judgmentally, from a place that is fair, and incorporates both rationale thinking and the impact of emotional experiences on individuals. Bring in both reason and emotion into the situation will bring in both sides of the human experience, and lead to a way to find the way to describe the boundary from a place of balance.
Communicating Boundaries
Once the boundary has been identified and established, it is important for us to communicate these boundaries to the parties that have violated what would be considered universal expectations for limitations, whether it involves physical touch, emotions, relationships, materials/resources, intellectual perspectives, sexual limitations or time.
Keeping these factors in mind will assist in communicating the boundary to the intended party:
- Finding the right time to approach the party will assist in achieving the objective;
- Being prepared to communicate directly and effectively about the topic will be helpful;
- Having rebuttals prepared in advance if there is objection to the communication of the boundary will be beneficial;
- Repeating, or being a “broken record” is sometimes necessary to get a point across;
- Recruiting help from others on how to communicate the boundary could be a favorable strategy (in advance); and,
- Considering the nature of the relationship is key in how to approach the party, in terms ofstance, tone and word choices.
Maintaining Boundaries
Once the boundary has been communicated, it will be important to maintain that the boundaries remain in place by periodically “checking in” to ensure that guidelines that have been communicated have been respected. Oftentimes, the cycle of communicating and maintaining boundaries has to be repeated in order to ensure that the message is communicated effectively. Touching base and processing this information with a friend or confidante would be helpful in knowing how to proceed. Journaling or keeping some sort of record of how the progress is going may also be beneficial. It may be that communicating it once will be enough to take care of the issue. Other times, re-visiting may be needed.
Common Misconceptions About Boundaries
There are misconceptions about boundaries and listed here are some of the common ones:
- “Setting boundaries is selfish.”
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Boundaries are ways that we communicate to others that we have worth and it is how we communicate to others that they they also in turn have worth, as well. It is important to know our limits and be able to communicate what is working for us, and what isn’t. That doesn’t make someone selfish, it makes someone be in a place of performing self-care. And in health care, it is vital that we perform self-care.
- “If I set a boundary, people will think I am unreasonable.”
Setting boundaries, when what would be considered a reasonable expectation or limit, is healthy. It is important for us to take care of ourselves, and if we provide a rationale for our communication about the boundary, it is more likely to be respected than continuing to live in a situation where we are settling for less than what is appropriate for us.
Well, boundary-setting seeker, you have reached the end of this blog. Hopefully a nugget of helpfulness came your way, even if it was just a tid-bit. Please remember that boundary-setting at the start feels foreign, if we have not been accustomed to doing it before. And once we start doing it, it can be one of the most freeing things we can ever do.
Wilson Nice, SLP, is the owner of Nice Speech Lady, a platform for SLPs to acquire immediate digital access to practical speech pathology clinical resources. Nice produces no-cost content for speech pathologists around the world, including home programs, session materials, handouts. She blogs on the Nice Speech Lady platform and also has a Youtube channel by the same name, where she interviews prominent professionals in the field of speech pathology and related areas. Nice lives and works in a skilled nursing facility setting in New Mexico and enjoys swimming, dancing and spending time with her family.